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Monday, May 17, 2010

tomorrow is maths lecture test 2. Honestly, i don't give a SHIT for this 7% of my entire maths grade for promos. TODAY WAS SERIOUSLY SUCKY TTM. Turns out, i was right about the choir concert. We didn't do well at all. I didn't feel that sense of oomph and yea, basically we were SLAMMED TODAY.
H broke down in tears at the end of it. Her sobs stabbed my heart. I saw her teary face and i wanted to cry too. I REALLY WANTED TO CRY IN FUSTRATION. WHY CAN"T WE GET IT?! After trying so hard, putting in so much effort. Someone just tell me if we are putting in the CORRECT type of effort?! I really want to scream the F word out. REALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Then again, i reminded myself not to despair. I must stay strong for myself and my batchmates. I WILL NOT CRY. only till when we get back the results. Regardless if it is good or bad, i will cry (in my room). I do not like people to see the weak side of me. I really don't like it. So, i will protect my friends, and i will help them. We have to help each other, not just empty superficial words like "you can make it" "jiayou".. we have to prove ourselves by our singing, by our DISCIPLINE which we LACK SO MUCH.
I am not going to sit back and not do anything. I cannot stand this further, i will take the initiative to speak out. It's not whether i am in position to do so or not, it's just my personal responsibility and conscious nagging at me to SPEAK UP AND BE LIKE THE JR I ONCE USED TO BE. ALTOS! doesn't mean our sl isn't coming with us, means we will strink back and die. WE CAN DO THIS. So many of us have improved! JUST FOCUS! (damn, i wished i had unlimited sms, so i can get the msg across)
I wished that bff was here by my side, then maybe that's the only exception where i will cry on her shoulder. Though we are in different JCs, we know that we'll still be here for each other. Congrats to your tennis team>< JIAYOU in FINALS! and i love you very much (:
DongBangShinki, they will always be my inspiration, even though hc ppl are not into them. DBSK is part of me, and their lawsuit thing is exactly like what riohc is facing now.. but all i have to say is ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH (and it is not superficial)

p.s. thank you amanda's mother for sending me home ><




5:59 AM